I've gotten my period. Not exactly headline news for any female over the age of 12, except I'm 50, and haven't had my period for two years. So, quite frankly, I'm shocked. And perturbed. I'm doing my best, fighting hard to settle into my new identity as Crazy Menopausal Woman, and suddenly here I am, fecund, gushing blood. Is this fair? Two years of sweat springing forth from my pores as if I were some kind of garden fountain; two years of reduced sexual drive to the point where "drive" is hardly the right word, more like "slight inclination now and then"; two years of mood swings and weight gain and hair loss. . . . and now I have my freaking (downright freaky) period??
Acupuncture Guy tells me it could be the result of my thrice-weekly, oh-so-expensive needle sessions plus herbal regimen. I'm restoring my "chi". Hmm. It seems to me--I dunno, I'm just sayin'-- that if this rather well-known thousands-year-old treatment could actually reverse menopause, well, wouldn't women have cottoned onto this by now? Wouldn't all of us over-40-ish female types be getting little needles stuck into us regularly? But then again, maybe not. Who, after all, wants periods forever? I, for one, think fecundity may be over-rated.
Still, Acupuncture Guy's assistant told me in my last session that I had the best-looking tongue she'd seen all day. Sadly, I felt quite pleased.
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