Cravings

Day 9 of my Month Without Wine.

A friend said, "And don't you feel so much better?"

Well. No.

I'm actually a better person after a glass of wine; it files down some of the sharp bits, slows the pace inside my head, makes me easier and gentler. And besides that, my body just consistently rejects healthiness. I try to eat right and exercise regularly not because it makes me feel better--it never has--but because it makes me look better. I went for a couple years without chocolate (a long, sad, complicated story, centering on my vulva--you don't want to know more) and at some point in there, my sister-in-law exclaimed, "Don't you just look at chocolate now, and think, blecchh?" I could only stare at her in wonder. No, no, I looked at chocolate and thought, "I want you, I need you, I long for you." And when I was pregnant, one of the many manuals I read advised, "Listen to your body. Heed your cravings. They will tell you what you and your baby need." Hmm. Had I followed that advice, I'd have consumed nothing but hazelnut coffee and brownies--the only foods I consistently craved, the only foods that never made me sick--for nine months.

My spirit is low-fat and vitamin-enriched but my flesh craves cake. And Sauvignon Blanc with a citrus finish.