OK. Now I'm really pissed off. Women of the World, Unite!
The folks at have Volkswagen rolled out the new Beetle. Gawd. My lovely funky adorable Beetle is now a bubble-lacking, stretched-out, big ol' ordinary car. And DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHYYY? Because the Beetle, the Real Beetle, my Beetle, my only beloved automobile, has been labeled a "Chick Car." Worse than that, a chick car that apparently appeals to "chicks" in their 50s and 60s.
Sigh. Guys have entire lines of macho pick-ups, massive volumes of Muscle Cars, entire lines of Corvettes and Lamborghinis and godknowswhatelse. Why do they need my Beetle? And young chicks, they have tight butts and skin that doesn't flap in the wind and an enviable lack of chin hair. Do they really need my Beetle? (Tho' frankly I think the more discerning of the younger female generation are, in fact, Beetle buyers. Based on copious scientific observation here on the streets of Baton Rouge.)
I was already feeling rather disgruntled jand put upon and discriminated against. Have you heard of Zestra--as in "Zestra Essential Arousal Oils, a blend of botanical oils and extracts that promise to enhance sexual arousal for women"? No, you probably have not, even tho', admit it, now that you have, you're really interested, aren't you? And do you know why you haven't heard about this product in which you have a strong, even passionate interest? Because major media outlets--tv networks, cable and radio stations, Facebook, and even WebMD (!) have refused to run commercials for it. Evidently it's ok for us to be forced to contemplate four-hour erections night after night, it's fine for us to see grey-haired amorous men with a certain twinkle in their eyes smiling at the camera while unbuttoning their Oxford shirts and discussing their new sexual potency, it's just hunky-dory to watch that getting-on-a-bit couple holding hands in their separate outdoor bathtubs while they watch the sunset (what is up with that? no pun intended). But the idea of women wanting, and yes, needing a wee bit of help now and then with, sexual arousal--from this we've got to be sheltered.
So, I've had it. I'm starting a Women United to Save the Old (new) Beetle Campaign and I'm instructing all members to purchase Zestra as their first campaign duty. Because I figure if we're all having really satisfying sex lives, we'll be better campaigners, constantly aroused, so to speak, to fight for justice, to demand satisfaction in all its forms.
What, you say? You don't have a partner right now? No worries. According to the New York Times, "in one online ad for Zestra, a woman says that, “It works so well, when I think about it, it even makes me want to go home and use it now.” There are no men anywhere in the picture."
But I'll bet she's driving home in a Beetle.
Love it. I have "liked" Zestra on Facebook (and in real life) and have begun to recommend it to friends and sisters. As you may know, Zestra can't advertise on the big networks because the corporate bigwigs (think Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock) are afraid of offending people...altho Viagra and Levitra have not raised similar concerns. BTW, my 30-somthing niece has an "old" beetle.
ReplyDeleteYes!! Exactly--why is do they think that women enjoying sex will offend people when the specter of four-hour erections supposedly does not?? I am glad to hear of your niece with the Beetle--yo! You female Beetle owners under age 50--join our campaign. And try Zestra. It's never too early. Well. OK. Obviously it can be too early. But if you're a car owner, presumably you're of an age appropropriate for sexual activity. One hopes.
ReplyDeleteOk, so now I must find said miracle enhancer! AND I sure do miss my Beetle.
ReplyDelete