My niece Anne's chiropractor/nutritionist/alternative health guru says that the state of one's bowel movements indicate one's overall bodily health. She says that said movements should be 1. odorless, 2. effortless, and 3. buoyant (that is, the final product should float). After many years of experience and observation, I have concluded that this medical mandate is the rather earthy counterpoint to Jesus' spiritual command: "Be ye perfect, even as I am perfect." Aspirational and inspirational, yes, but never to be achieved within this lifetime.
Which immediately and inevitably raises the question: What about Jesus' bowel movements? Oh, don't get all huffy on me. That's the scandal of the Incarnation: Jesus made flesh, God become Man. A man. A man who must have had to poop. So, did Jesus' poos stink? Did they sink? No, I imagine they floated effortlessly, joyously, playfully, smelling like apricots.
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