A Miracle for 2013

So here's The Question: Do we trust Dr. Oz?

I ask, because Dr. Oz has identified the Keranique Hair Regrowth System for Women as one of his "13 Miracles for 2013."

The thing is, I'm not actually sure who Dr. Oz is. But my hair is definitely thinning, so I clicked on this ad alongside my Facebook messages today, and voila, it tells me that Dr. Oz says, here's a miracle.

I'd like a miracle. Science is so boring. I'd like some whipped cream-like substance that I can rub around my scalp and then squirt on top of my ice cream and a few days later (I don't need instant gratification; I can wait a bit), yes! I'm back to my normal head of thick, frizzy, unruly curls.

Normal, of course, is the key word here. It is normal for me to have lots of hair. This thinning hair stuff, this horrendous skin-like substance now peeking through, this is not normal. Dammit. This is Not Allowed. I signed no permission slip, no invoice, no receipt. I am not asking for Julia Roberts' hair. I just want my hair. Normal hair.

Oh dear God. When did I become abnormal?

Still, there's always Joan Rivers. Yes, indeed: The Joan Rivers Great Hair Day Fill-In Powder. Evidently, on those days when you need "Great Hair" (aka Normal Hair), you just dust on this powder. And hope it's not a windy day, I imagine. Or wet. I would think the powder would just clump up, which  wouldn't be great or normal. But I guess if you're Joan Rivers, you don't have to think about rain or wind.

But I don't know. Can Joan Rivers really guarantee Normalcy?